There I was, at the gym, the other day, sitting there, on a piece of gym equipment, in between sets, taking a short break, a moment’s rest, a slight breather, if you will, and along comes this gym guy, looking all gym-y, wearing his gym clothes, with his gym attitude, and he walks right up to me just as bold as you please, in his gym shorts, and he’s all, while I’m sitting there, he’s all, “Can I work in?”
No. You can’t work in. That would be impossible. Because I am here. Occupying, you might say. Occupying this space. It is mine. I am using it. The pause in action that you see? All part of the plan. All part of my strategy. I work, then stop. Work, then stop. In this way I regain my energy to continue working. It is a strategy that works, so to speak.
There is no working in here. Only working out. Your working in would necessitate my moving, getting up, walking away, robbing me of precious moments of Zen-like focus, disturbing my rhythm, breaking my concentration, destroying my ongoing vibe. I also don’t want to get up. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to walk away. That would mean I would have to come back. That’s a lot of coming and going. I didn’t come here for all that.
Let me propose, instead, a different course of action, for you: you wait. You wait right over there. Right where you are. Don’t move a muscle. Don’t say a word. Just wait there, patiently, until the time comes when I have finished my work-rest-work-rest-work-rest cycle. You’ll know the time has come when you see me rise and, in a purposeful manner, leave the area, without returning. That’s when you should pounce. Then, the time will be right. At that moment I would like nothing better than for you to step into the area which I have vacated and commence using it yourself. Because I will be done. And…. what?
No. I don’t want a spot. I don’t want you hovering over me. I don’t want you kneeling behind me. I don’t want you mirroring my own motions, only inches away from me, with an intense look on your face, your hands hovering just off the bar, ready to grab it at the slightest hint of hesitation on my part. I don’t know you. I don’t want to feel you anywhere within my personal space. It’s nothing personal. I just don’t care to have your existence intruding upon my consciousness now. Or ever. I have calibrated the amount of weight on the bar specifically to obviate the need for a spotter. I have made sure not to take that one extra rep attempt that will result in disaster. I have chosen, very purposefully, to accept a slower rate of progress in my training in exchange for not having a stranger perched above me, urging me to “Push it! Push it!” It’s just my way. So… what?
No. I don’t want any tips from you. I don’t want to hear your analysis of my form. I don’t want to hear how I could Do That A Little Better. I don’t want to hear One Little Thing That Will Really Help Me Out. I don’t want to hear What I’m Doing Wrong On That Lift. I don’t want to hear anything from you. I don’t care if you’re a personal trainer. I don’t care if you’re a Crossfit coach. I don’t care if you’re a football coach. I don’t care if you’re a kung-fu, Krav Maga, or Tae Bo coach. I don’t care if you’ve been Doing This Stuff For A Lot Longer Than Me. You may notice that I did not approach you and ask you any questions. This is because I am uninterested in your thoughts. You may indeed be a wise, learned, hardcore warrior and teacher of the utmost quality. I bet that someone out there will extend a warm and sincere “thank you” of grateful appreciation to you for your unsolicited but valuable advice. But I am not that person. I am just me. A guy, who is here, at this gym, stone cold going my thing. Leave me alone.
Of course in real life I let the guy work in. But gee I was really miffed about it—on the ins-Eye-d (of the Tiger).
“Okay. that was exhausting. Sorry. I didn’t even ask you how you are. How are you? Oh yea? Oh good. That’s great. What? Oh man. That’s tough. I’m sorry… Oh well that sounds like you handled it well, though. So. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know that’s… yeah. Well… Just remember, time will go by and that’ll just be on the list of shit that happened to you. You’ll be okay. Yeah. Huh?… Oh. Really? HE DID? Oh my GOD! hahaha!! That’s CRAZY! No. no. I won’t tell him you told me. Of course not. Alright well… uhuh? Oh wow. yeah. Alright well.. I really gotta go. Thanks for listening. I’m glad you’re basically okay. Stay in touch.”—Louis C.K, in the last paragraph of a mass e-mail
Nigel Godrich, producer responsible for many-a-jams from Radiohead to Beck and sometimes considered Radiohead’s unofficial 6th member, is apparently a practicing musician as well. Here’s a track that was released as part of his emergence from behind the mixing desk and formation of his mysterious group called Ultraísta. I like it. A lot.
Over one hour of mashup mastery. Tracklist below. Click here to download via soundcloud.
1. Wiz Khalifa x Phantogram | Move Up 2. Mayer Hawthorne x M83 | One Midnight With You 3. Ma$e x Notorious B.I.G. x Penguin Prison | Fuck With Mo’ Money 4. Kanye West x Snap! | Power² 5. Beastie Boys x Santigold x Weird Tapes | Don’t Play No Trash 6. TLC x Holy Ghost! | Some Creeps 7. Tyga x Neon Indian | Polish City 8. Snoop Dogg x Dillon Francis x Kill The Noise | What’s My Noise 9. The Cool Kids x Ford & Lopatin | World Of Swimsuits 10. Taio Cruz x Foster The People | Houdin-o-mite 11. Only Children x YACHT | Tripped And Didn’t Stop 12. Travis Porter x Daft Punk | Make It Rezz 13. Whitney Houston x Chromeo | When The Night Knows 14. Sisqo x The Rapture x A-Trak | How Deep Is Your Thong? 15. Dragonette x The Kickdrums x Kutcorners | Hello Something 16. Sims x Win Win | Burn It Again 17. YC x Knife Party | Knife Rack 18. tUnE-yArDs x Rihanna | GANGS&M 19. Big Sean x Kanye West x Wolfgang Gartner | The Way Marvin Was 20. Quad City DJs x Deadmau5 | Ride Some Chords 21. Ace Hood x The Black Keys | Hard And Gone 22. Wiz Khalifa x Too $hort x SBTRKT | On My Wildfire 23. Chris Brown x Busta Rhymes x Rustie | Look At My City 24. Flosstradamus x Kid Sister x Symmetry | City Luuks 25. Kreayshawn x Gang Gang Dance | Gucci Goth 26. Wale x Rick Ross x Kavinsky | Nightchain
Much in line with other Swedish acts (Lykke Li, Miike Snow, Fever Ray), Swedish duo Niki & The Dove have been recently monopolizing my iTunes play time (though I have not slowed down on the Santigold album, which is still on a strong rotation) The group is releasing their much-anticipated debut album, Instinct, on May 14th in the UK and August 7th in the US. Though the above track didn’t make the album cut and will only be showing up on its deluxe edition, it should keep you satisfied in the meantime.
Because really who is ever gonna complain about new music from Metric? Seriously who? Emily Haines is perfection. That’s the motto I go by. ”Youth Without Youth” is definitely a great sign that Synthetica (dropping 6/12) is gonna be a whole lot of let’s blast our ears off fun.
The Legal Profession Cannot Shrink Itself Fast Enough
Just another reminder to not go to law school. Unless you’re like me and you already did.
It is fortunate that the legal profession is renowned for its graceful sense of humor about its own problems, because the “new generation” of lawyers will consist only of one cute dog, because everyone else knows that going to law school would be the worst possible decision that a young adult can make except for eating that third slice of Pizza Hut’s new Cheesy Bites™ pizza simulacrum. Let’s check in on the depressing mire of gloom that is the legal profession and its educational antecedents, shall we?
Whereas just a few years ago every half-bright graduate of a “good” college wanted to go to law school in order to “wait out” the recession and graduate with a “sure thing” type of degree [pause for laughter], the law school boom has been implodingfor a year or more now. Law schools are taking note! Inside Higher Ed reportsthat the University of California’s Hastings School of Law is going to admit 20% fewer students this year. But why? “There are too many law schools and there are too many law students and we need to do something about that.”
Ehh, shut up stupid bloggerjerk talking crap about lawyers who probably saved the life of Mumia Abu-Jamal with their righteous legal skills. Oh, sorry—that quote was from the law school’s dean. Anyhow. In other news, the law firm formed by the biggest merger in law firm merger history is collapsing into a pile of dust.
One day we’ll all look back and laugh about this (assuming we didn’t go to law school).
Fiona’s first single in years more than justifies the wait. With her signature ethereal drumbeats and vocal arrangements, we get a taste of old Fiona and new. You can get the upcoming dates for Fiona’s summer tour right here.